Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
