Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
