did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
