I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
