Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
