You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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