I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
