My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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