I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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