Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
