In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
