you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
