I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
