And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
