Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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