Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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