Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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