Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize