why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
