I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
