In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize