My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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