Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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