I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
