Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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