Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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