found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
