my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The air was thick with penises
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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