put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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