i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
