the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
