so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
