i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
home. puking in laundry basket.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
