Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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