Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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