Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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