You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
