I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
