i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
