Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
