is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
