If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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