I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
