You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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