I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
