Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
