Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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