Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
