Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
