I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
