your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
