Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
