u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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