Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just pee around me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
