God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
