ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
