Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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