New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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