aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
