I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize