What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize