Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
