those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
