Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
