why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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