He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think people are normalizing furries
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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