using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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