Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
