If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
