you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
