problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
