jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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