I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
