I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
