So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
soo... how was my night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
