just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
