if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
