one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
