Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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