Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
