Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
