I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
