i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
