You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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