He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
