my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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