just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
