capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
