I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
