and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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