She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
