Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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