I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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