every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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