he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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